Category Archives: Personal Stuff

On Whom the Axe Falls

If you’ve followed this blog, you’ll be aware that I mix personal interest with purely food and culinary content. One of my hobbies is writing and my fifth book called ‘On Whom The Axe Falls’ has been released. Here’s a bit about it.

On Whom the Axe Falls – ‘The Island Connection 3’

On Whom the Axe Falls‘On Whom the Axe Falls’ takes a look at what happens when two people with diametrically opposed views are both suspected of murder. Either one could be the killer. Both have the motive and the means and neither man is apologetic for his stance. Meanwhile, one of our regular characters is being stalked by an old antagonist whilst another old friend suddenly discovers romance and finds that there’s magic in the air. Nothing is ever quite what it seems on the Isle of Man!

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ON WHOM THE AXE FALLS – OPENING PAGES

When he left his cottage to pick a few vegetables from his garden, Reverend Aloicius Quayle hadn’t intended lying face down on the cold earth with the morning sun on the back of his head and a vine of runner beans crushed under his chest; but then he probably hadn’t intended to have a twenty centimetre bone handled brushed stainless steel Laguiole knife stuck in his lower back either.

The Reverend had been a good, pious man, his widow explained to Detective Inspector Angus Slooth. Aloicius was devout, devoted and divine, she had sobbed, blowing her nose into a handkerchief embroidered round the edges with pixies and fairies.

Angus Slooth nodded solemnly as Widow Quayle expounded her opinion of the rectitude and righteousness of the man of God who, until an hour ago, had been her faithful husband. Angus and Detective Constable Sarah Flemons had already run through all the normal questions about Aloicius Quayle’s actions prior to leaving the safety of his house, and they had, though probably quite unnecessarily, ticked all the boxes regarding Marjory Quayle’s whereabouts and motives, though it never did any harm to double check these things, particularly when your only witness was a lady who was clearly in the early stages of dementia – or at least severe age-related forgetfulness.

4 star review Another excellent addition to ‘The Manx Connection’ series
By mousyb on 21 Aug. 2016
Book 5 of ‘The Manx Connection’ is located on The Isle of Man (as are most of the series). It features some of the characters (DI Angus Slooth and DC Sarah Flemons) who have appeared in earlier books in the series, but each book is stand alone.
The storyline of ‘On whom the axe falls’ is one of murders motivated by religion. In this story, Angus Slooth and Sarah Flemons struggle to solve the clues that are liberally sprinkled about.
It is also a book full of surprises, not the least of which is when Angus meets … oh no – I can’t tell you otherwise it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it?
Apart from being an action-packed mystery, Graham Hamer uses the plot to explore the effects of religious extremism in a small island community. Of course, as an author, many of his own views are expressed, but that’s his prerogative and it doesn’t detract from the story. In fact, in many ways, it becomes the driving force for the storyline and few would disagree with his conclusions.
Another excellent addition to ‘The Manx Connection’ series. Can’t wait to get my hands on the next one.   

Book cover design by Bruno Cavellec, Copyright © Bruno Cavellec 2016.
Image used and published according to the licence granted by the artist

 

Out of the Window

If you’ve followed this blog, you’ll be aware that I mix personal interest with purely food and culinary content. One of my hobbies is writing and my fourth book called ‘Out of the Window‘ has just been released. Here’s a bit about it.

Out of the Window ‘The Island Connection 2’

Out of the WindowIn ‘Under the Rock‘, the first book of The Island Connection series, we met a couple of young girls whose actions helped save the day when the island was under threat. In ‘Out of the Window’, we meet the same two girls again, two years later. Still a bit crazy, but growing up fast. They make a new friend whose life is in danger. But what can they do against battle-hardened thugs?

And what really happened in Amy’s bedroom the night her father went out of the window?

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Out of the Window – OPENING PAGES

Amy’s teeth chattered as the glacial drizzle showed no signs of letting up. It was one of those cold, miserable, penetrating, grey, non-stop drizzles that soaks through meagre clothing and slowly annihilates a person’s confidence. With no signs of any customers, the harbour-side hot food kiosk had closed early and Amy had taken the opportunity to rifle through their bins, where she found some stale burger buns that would keep her going until tomorrow. Head bent low, she tore strips off the first bun and chewed ravenously while she huddled and shuffled her way past the lifeboat station. She looked up as a large seagull squawked and dived towards her, trying to take the bun from her hands. The damn things were like Exocet missiles over here but Amy was too fast because her need was too great to allow a bird to take her only meal of the day. She whipped the bread inside her saturated fleece and walked faster with the harbour on her left and the castle walls on her right.

One hundred metres further, she reached the granite stairs that gave access to Peel castle. The steep stone steps leading up to the entry portal were sheltered by overhead slabs of grey granite. She was still buffeted by the wind, but at least it was dry and Amy looked up with tired liquid-green eyes, grateful just for a small amount of respite. In a few more minutes, she would be a little drier and a little warmer and, eventually, the shivering would stop, but she still had to force her aching legs to mount every step. It was going to be another wretched night on a hard tiled floor, but what other choice did she have? At least the rain disguised her tears of anger and frustration.

She hauled her tired body up the wide stone steps until she reached the locked gate at the top. Peel castle, on the Isle of Man, was not scaled like a simple Norman castle with a keep and a moat round the outside. Peel castle sat on an islet attached to the main island by a one hundred metre long causeway. It had high granite walls and stretched for almost twenty acres. For summer visitors it represented a way to pass a pleasant afternoon in a gentle ramble, poking their heads into the various nooks and crannies. But the castle remained closed for five months in the winter. And, on a wet early December afternoon, it was the perfect hideaway for somebody who didn’t want to be found. She squeezed through the narrow gap between the unforgiving granite wall and the full height steel gate that stayed locked all winter. Luckily she was a slightly-built girl because otherwise she would never have made it through.

High inside the castle grounds, the summer visitors enjoyed a splendid view of the rolling hills to the east. But, today, there was nothing other than a dirty grey sky and more freezing rain. Amy pressed on as fast as her tired legs and wet jeans would take her until she arrived at the ladies’ washrooms. As she had discovered a few days earlier, the outer door had no lock, so she let herself in, pushed open the door to the nearest stall, and sat on the toilet. Her whole body shook with cold and she knew she needed food and warmth. She could do something about both, but not much. She pulled the burger buns from inside her wet fleece and tore at them before pushing wads of bread into her mouth. It tasted of tea leaves and cigarette ash from the inside of the bins, but ignored it as she filled her belly for the first time today. After several bites, she put her head down to the hand basin and drank water from the tap to wash down the dry bread.

Fortunately, on her first visit, Amy had found the main fuse for the washrooms and had turned on the electricity. She hit the button on the electric hand drier, grateful for the stream of warm air. Then she flicked on the light and closed the outer door. In the mirror over the hand basin, her image was etched with fatigue. She ran her hands through her wet hair to drag it away from her face.

Amy had come to the Isle of Man to try and sort things out with her aunt but had found herself the victim of a vicious verbal attack on the doorstep, with no chance of explaining her thoughts. And the verbal attack included a specific threat of a physical follow-up which, in her aunt’s own words, meant only one thing. Amy knew what her aunt was capable of and fled, in fear for her life. The fact that she was her niece would have no effect on her aunt. The only outcome that would satisfy her was Amy’s death.

4 star review An easy read that will make you smile and cry in equal measure
By mousyb on 21 Aug. 2016
Amy’s on the run from her crazy aunt. She has no money and nowhere to run to. But her luck is in when she bumps into two local teenagers who decide to ‘adopt’ her. In the space of just a few days, she discovers how different life in a small community is from the one she was used to in Liverpool. But Amy is hiding a secret that Liverpool gang leaders are willing to kill for and suddenly she is a target for more than just her vindictive aunt.
‘Out of the window’ is Amy’s story. It compares the lives of good people who simply know how to get on, with hateful people whose only pleasure is in destroying and controlling others. It’s a stand-alone story, but some of ‘The Manx Connection’ characters from earlier books help move the story along at a good pace.
There were times in the story where I laughed aloud and times in the story where I choked up. It’s just one of those books that will grip you right to the last page.

Book cover design by Bruno Cavellec, Copyright © Bruno Cavellec 2016.
Image used and published according to the licence granted by the artist

Under the Rock

Under the Rock – ‘The Island Connection 1’

Under the RockThe first book I wrote, Chasing Paper, was originally written during 1999 and 2000 (with some updates in 2015). My second book, Walking on Water, though written shortly after Chasing Paper, was not finished and published until 2016 – a case of the manuscript collecting dust until circumstances dictated that I should do something with it.

Under the Rock was virtually written by the characters themselves. I’d become quite attached to some of them and they made it easy for me because they were already fully formed. With the addition of three or four new arrivals, it was easy to get a story from my friends who had occcupied the first two books in the series.

By now, you have probably already gathered that “home” for me is the Isle of Man, a little independent Crown Dependency in the middle of the Irish Sea. Much though I love being in France for six months of the year, I also revel in the the beauty and tranquillity of the Isle of Man for the other six months. It is an island full of myths and legends, gorse and heather, calm beauty gently stroking the glens and raging storms beating on the granite cliffs. Turn a corner and you’ll always discover something new to entice and amuse.

The concept of a small country that is British but not part of the United Kingdom, that has its own wholly independent parliament yet no passport controls to mainland UK, may seem a little strange to many, but those are the facts about this Crown Dependency and they make for all sorts of tantalising possibilities and opportunities if you are up to no good – and some of the new characters in Under the Rock are definitely up to no good!

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UNDER THE ROCK – OPENING PAGES

Sean Legg was not used to being told what to do. Normally, it was the big Irishman who did the telling. Sean was built on a grand scale, like a Russian war memorial, with a personality that equalled his stature and, ten years ago, he might have been tempted to have a go, but at the age of fifty-five Sean knew his limits and knew he was no match for four armed thugs. Discretion being the better part of valour, he allowed himself to be manhandled into the back of the delivery van and blindfolded. His wrists were then bound with plastic ties.

“You keep quiet and speak when I tell you,” said the foreign-looking man who had been holding the gun.

Sean had no plans to speak; he was busy listening and sensing as the engine came to life. On an island that was just 35 miles long and 12 miles wide, he was pretty sure he could pick out their route by instinct, using the vehicle’s movements, speed, braking and gear changes. It helped, of course, that he had lived on the island for the best part of thirty years and new its roads and lanes as well as anyone else, and better than most.

He concentrated hard as the van left the government building service bay and took a right and a left, accessing one of the main roads in Douglas. Another right, another left and then a long sweep down to the traffic lights. Easy enough, so far. Bending right at the lights, the road suddenly became smoother. Peel Road had just been resurfaced, so that was a no-brainer. A while later, the double roundabouts at Quarter Bridge, then they were heading west on the road from Douglas to Peel.

Sean relaxed. Now it was easy to follow every twist, turn and movement of the road, like he was reading a map in his head. They were, after all, taking the road he took home every evening.

Twenty minutes later, the van stopped and, in one swift movement, somebody cut off the plastic ties that had been holding his wrists. After a moment, the side door opened and Sean was helped out. Despite the blindfold, he knew exactly where he was and the strong smell of seaweed helped confirm it. There had been a storm the day before and Fenella Beach was always a seaweed trap during westerly gales. Sean also had a pretty good idea why he was captive, though he couldn’t puzzle out why he’d been brought to this particular place late on a windy evening.

With a man holding each elbow, he was led down the stone ramp from the small car park onto the pebbled beach. Then they crossed the beach until they reached the cliff face less than one hundred metres away. The man who had been waving the gun cursed as he stumbled over a rocky protrusion. “I swear by Allah that accursed rock gets me every time.”

They moved forward a few paces and Sean had the feeling that he was in a partially enclosed space. He stretched his arms as if relieving the discomfort of having had his wrists bound. There was rough granite on each side and he sensed the same just above his head – confirmed when a drop of water landed on the thinning patch that Sandy teased him about. If it was the shallow cave in the cliffs where kids played in the summer, it was a strange place to be taken to unless, of course, these guys intended to dispose of him there.

But Sean didn’t think that they intended him any permanent harm; after all, he was of much more use to them alive than dead. Anyway, it was his birthday and you don’t go killing the government’s Chief Minister on his birthday – it’s just not sporting.

5 star review Descriptions are very good and it really could be any island around the …
By Nadine Sgouraditis on 14 April 2016
3rd in the Manx Connection series. You really don’t need to know anything about the Island it is set on. Descriptions are very good and it really could be any island around the British Isles. Some characters from the previous books we get to know a little better and a few new ones, make this an interesting addition to the series. Don’t be fooled by the beautiful tranquil cover picture this is a thriller that keeps you on your toes.

5 star review Another good story in the Manx Connection but this time all …
By Amazon Customer on 29 Aug 2016
Another good story in the Manx Connection but this time all based on the lovely Isle of Man. I related strongly to a couple of the characters and was kept in suspense throughout. However I almost felt disappointed in how a couple of nasty characters exited the story.

Book cover design by Bruno Cavellec, Copyright © Bruno Cavellec 2016.
Image used and published according to the licence granted by the artist


Two triggers launched the plot – a friend who wanted to start an unusual business and a real, genuine, little cave on a beach near to where we live. When you read the book, you may find these photos helpful.

Peel Castle from the air
Peel Castle from the air
Fenella Beach in Peel
Fenella Beach in Peel

Walking on Water

If you follow this blog, you’ll be aware that I also write fictional books. Chasing Paper was published a couple of months ago and, at that time, I had also completed my second book called Walking on Water. Here’s a little bit about it.

Walking on Water

Walking on WaterWalking on Water followed naturally from Chasing Paper. There was a handful of characters who I had grown to rather like. Two of them had been left in a state of uncertainty at the end of Chasing Paper, so I got to thinking what would they do. Where would they go? How would they survive? They were, after all, born survivors, but working for a living held few attractions. And so was born Walking on Water.

Sandy and her father have lots of survival tricks up their sleeves! So, too, does George Riley whose twin brother is doing his best to become an only child by removing George from the scene. George, too, is a survivor, but this time things have gone too far and he’s struggling to keep at arm’s length from his vindictive brother who has only one thing on his mind.

Though most of the main characters in Walking on Water are from (or have links to) the Isle of Man, the action is based in the flat, wet wastes of The Netherlands where billions of tons of water are held back by earth dykes which, in normal times, are adequate for the job. But if somebody wanted to destroy vast tracts of the country, the answer was already staring them in the face…

NOTE: ‘Chasing Paper’ is FREE in e-book format. You can also get ‘Walking on Water’ FREE in ebook format from here.

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WALKING ON WATER OPENING PAGES

Nick Ferris forced a smile onto his face. What he really wanted to do was to smack his customers’ heads together, but that would have meant touching them and Nick’s customers were largely untouchable – except for the girl in the shadows of the far corner who looked like she didn’t want to be there either. No smile broke the straight lips of her red-painted mouth. Her eyes were as blue as a Caribbean shoreline and she had breasts like plump aubergines in a vegetable market. Nick wouldn’t have minded touching her at all, but he sensed that she was bad news for other reasons. And Brigitte, who knew everything that went on in the town, or at least everything illegal, had confirmed it to him earlier.

As for the rest of the customers, Nick wouldn’t even want to get within spitting distance of them, given the choice. The fair-haired twenty-something perched on a barstool with his legs bent under him like ice tongs, who’d spent the evening spying on him without making eye contact. The heavy-shouldered man with a nose full of veins and a mouth full of sneers, whose Rottweiler dozed on the floor amongst the cigarette ash. It occupied the bar space of at least two grown men, but nobody was asking it to move. And Nick’s least favourite, the tattooed punk whose bottom lip was tormented by a wealth of ironmongery. He was a regular whose evenings involved supping too much beer and offering packets of white powder to other picturesque acquaintances. De Hardin’s was a popular watering hole that assaulted your nose with hops and marijuana and disreputable low-lifes.

“Pardon?” Nick yelled, through the boom and thud of the speakers that shook the fabric of the building. As often happened when the volume was up, he was struggling to understand the shouted drinks orders with their strangled consonants and guttural ‘g’s. Strange words that a foreigner still found confusing. This evening, like so many others in the last six months, Nick had found it necessary to revert to English, the second language in The Netherlands, understood by everyone, even the stray dogs.

The fair-haired spy who lacked the art of surreptitious observation drained his beer, unwound his legs, and stood to leave, taking care not to disturb the Rottweiler. He reached into his hip pocket, pulled out a business card, and spun it across the bar to Nick. “Check out the Anglican church services in Rotterdam,” he said, in near-perfect English, then turned towards the door.

From the darkened periphery of the room, Miss Red Lips’ brow furrowed. She stood and zipped up her leather jacket, stopping to ease an overflowing morsel of plump aubergine into place before finishing the zipping process. One quick side step and she was out from behind the table.

Nick’s attention was drawn by the card, which he struggled to decipher under the dim light. In italic script he could make out http://www.joinmychurch.com. No name, no title. He turned it over, instinctively expecting more. On the back; a handwritten jumble of letters and numbers that meant nothing to him.

He glanced towards the door that led onto the market place, but it swung on its hinges. The young man had gone. With a shrug, Nick tucked the card into the pocket of his jeans and checked his watch. Just after midnight. Another two or three hours before he could clear up and go home to bed.

He looked up to see the heavy-breasted young lady leaving the bar, soft dark wig swaying across her leather-clad shoulders. When you’re an experienced law-avoider, a clandestine cop is easy to spot. She acknowledged Nick with an almost imperceptible nod of the head. She’d caught him watching her, and the red-painted mouth smiled but the blue eyes didn’t. He checked to make sure she’d settled her tab. Police were an untrustworthy breed.

As she disappeared from sight, Nick eased open the door behind him just a few inches and slipped through the gap. It was done quickly, like he had turned himself into smoke and poured himself through the keyhole. Nick Ferris had the physique of an anorexic spider – ideal qualifications for slipping unobserved through narrow openings; usually into houses that didn’t belong to him. He had what his lawyer had once described to the judge as a ‘colourful’ personality, though Nick could turn colours into shadows when he chose.

The door behind the bar led into a narrow passage between De Hardin’s and the adjacent shop that sold cheap jeans to cheap youths. The alleyway had long since absorbed the smells of rotting vegetables and urine. Followed by Faggot, his friend’s dog, Nick walked the few steps to where the murky side access met the hubbub of Grote Markt – the old market place that would throb with nocturnal activity for a few more hours yet before the beer-swilling, table-thumping, song-singing hoards decided to call it a night and stagger home to bed. The sky was dark and clear. Nick stopped, keeping his pale body in the shadows, and peered around the corner of the building. Faggot cocked his leg against a trashcan behind him.

The young man had gone, though the girl’s back was still visible. She walked with rapid steps along Vlamingstraat, her callipygous shadow waxing and waning under the neon streetlights that kept vigil over the locked shops. Nick glued his eyes to her rear until her swaying hips disappeared into the distant gloom, then he watched a few minutes longer before turning and stumbling back through the overflowing trash to the rear entrance of the bar. He had the unpleasant sensation, like a thousand sparrow wings in his gut that it was time to move on. He’d had fifty years practice in moving on.

As he eased open the door, the light of the bar spread into the dim night like a pie wedge, fading as it reached the opposite wall. A movement behind him caught his eye and he turned his head, straining to look into the shadowed dead end of the alleyway. As his vision adjusted, he could make out a tall man with ponytail hair, leaning against one of the dustbins, his face contorted into a smiling grimace. Crouched in front of him was an off-white fur coat that contained Faggot’s owner.

“Evening Brigitte.” Nick called.

The coat grunted, while its client opened his eyes and stared at Nick through rimless glasses.

Nick closed the door behind him, leaving Brigitte and the punter in peace. It was going to be another busy night.

Half-an-hour later, Miss Red Lips stepped out from the shop doorway in Geleenstraat and checked her watch. Anthrax now appeared to be tucked in bed. It was too late to go and disturb the boss. She could bring him up to speed tomorrow. For now, she had two options. She could go back to De Hardin’s and retrieve the card off the English barman, or she could go home, get some sleep, and leave things to develop further. Probably best to let events move on, she thought. After all, if there was no crime there could be no confrontation. And after previous warnings it seemed that only confrontation would stop Anthrax now.

5 star review Crackles with Energy
By Giselle Marks on 27 October 2016
Graham Hamer’s “Walking on Water” is a crime thriller which takes some exciting turns. Set mostly in the Netherlands, you are dragged onwards at a stunning pace. The writing crackles with energy as the tangled story unveils some felonious little plans. Well worth reading to the final debacle.

5 star reviewA brilliant read
By Amazon Customer on 29 July 2016
I thoroughly enjoyed reading Walking on Water. The first few chapters were getting to know the characters with a good few laughs, but as the plot thickens and tangles I struggled to put the book down. A really good read, can’t wait to read Under the Rock.

Book cover design by Bruno Cavellec, Copyright © Bruno Cavellec 2016.
Image used and published according to the licence granted by the artist

 

Chasing Paper

As well as being a bit of a foodie, I get pleasure from writing. The first book I wrote was a few years ago and was called ‘Paperchase’. Recently, I made some considerable edits and cut out a few (unnecessary) parts of the story, so the book is leaner and fitter. I also renamed it ‘Chasing Paper’ to avoid any confusion.

Chasing PaperChasing Paper came about because, way back in the early 1980’s I was running a building company in Norfolk, England. I won’t bore you with the details but, not to put too fine a point on it, my partner screwed me over for more than £25,000 ($40,000) – about £75,000 ($120,000) in today’s money. Looking back, I have nobody to blame but myself: I trusted him and he grabbed the opportunity to save his own business at my expense. It left a nasty, bitter taste in the mouth, but my lesson was learned and I never again placed that amount of trust in any business partner!

What I did do, though, was to write Chasing Paper twenty years later because it was both catharcic and also it had the makings of a good plot. Naturally, I had to embellish the story and then take the main character much further than anything I had ever experienced myself, but I guess that’s what lots of writers do…

NOTE: Chasing Paper is FREE in e-book format.

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CHASING PAPER

“I started at five, but Tweedle didn’t even move – got to four, and he just pulled on his fag – three, and he blew smoke at me – two, and his eyes lit up, like the cavalry had come over the hill – one and the bloody lights went out.”
“What? You mean someone turned them out?”
“Not quite, this bastard woman chucked a rug over my head and just took the gun away, calm as you like.”
“What bastard woman?” Dave asked, wide eyed.
Ian laughed, but it was a moping laugh of resignation. “No idea who she was, old son. Tall bird. Legs right up to her bum. When I got the rug off my head, she just stood there, behind me, bollock naked and pointing your gun in my face.”
“Bollock naked?”
“Bollock naked. She was a good-looker, I can tell you. Mid twenties, long dark hair, good tits, slim.”
“And pointing a Browning in your face.”
“Exactly.”
“And then what? Why didn’t she call the police or whatever?”
“I’ve no idea, old mate. She even knew who I was – called me Ian, straight away.”
“What did she say to you? What did Tweedle do?”
“Tweedle sat calmly watching everything. It was like he was in a dream. Didn’t say a single word – just had a silly grin on his face. The girl took the syringe off him and put it on the table.”
“Are you sure he wasn’t drunk?”
Ian drained his glass, savouring the taste and smell of the hops. “Fairly certain. It was something else, Dave. I thought about it afterwards and wondered if it was drugs.”
“What? Tweedle?”
“Well, when Snaefell Homes collapsed, and Sean put pressure on him, it was because he’d found out that Tweedle was buying drugs from George Riley. Sean threatened Tweedle that he’d shop him to the police.”
“What? George Riley as in… er… George Riley?”
“The same. Anyway, Sean didn’t think that Tweedle was buying them for himself, but maybe he was wrong – maybe he was. I’d always assumed they were for Ron Scott, but I’m beginning to wonder now.”
“Jesus, boss, what an evening. Do you want another pint?”
Ian straightened his shoulders, which had become hunched during the conversation. He tried to straighten his thoughts, but couldn’t. “Yeah, go on, why not?”

5 star review A great can’t put it down read. I wished that I was on holiday so that I could read it without interruption!
By Amazon Customer on 23 July 2016
I loved this book and couldn’t wait to read the next in the series. The characters are hugely likeable (Ian) and delightfully despicable (Tweedle) making them feel both real and lasting presences long after the book is read. Its great when you find an author, who’s voice you really like, and when you look for another book by them you find that there it is already waiting for you. And not just one more…..
 
 4 star reviewIt will keep you guessing till the end
By mousyb on 22 August 2016
This thrilling story hooked me. This novel is almost a film synopsis: places and situations are accurately and humourously described; and the characters come to life under your eyes. The end totally caught me by surprise.

Book cover design by Bruno Cavellec, Copyright © Bruno Cavellec 2016.
Image used and published according to the licence granted by the artist

 

No Justice for me

Double-Take Apple FlanI’m not huge fan of apple pies but Double-Take Apple Flan wins me over every time. I don’t know whether it’s the vanilla or the texture of the flan, but I could happily sit down and eat the whole thing. Imagine my dismay then when, having made a Double-Take Apple Flan the other day, my wife hijacked it and fed it to the neighbours!

Double-Take Apple Flan is so called because there are two ‘stages’ to the cooking and also because it tastes so good, there’s no way you won’t go back for another helping. It’s a winner no matter what the occasion, and the extra little trouble in preparation and cooking is well, well worth the effort. Your guests will love you for it. That’s if you have guests! In my case, I think the neighbours were very grateful for my time and effort!

Okay, you’re probably wondering why my neighbours were happy. You see, in France, we live in an apartment in what the French call a ‘Residence’. That’s a block of apartments that share a common access and common maintenance. For each résidence the owners appoint a professional ‘Syndicat de copropriétaires’ to manage the properties and deal with the maintenance. Day-to-day decisions are taken by a ‘conseil syndical’ – an elected group of owners. The other evening (after I had made my Double-Take Apple Flan) my wife went to a meeting of the conseil syndical, taking the flan with her…. and that was the last I saw of it! The greedy buggers ate the whole lot. Then they had the termerity to ask for the recipe!

Guess I’m just going to have to make another. But this one is not leaving my sight!

How time flies when you’re having fun!

It’s hard to believe that I haven’t added anything to this blog since January (and it’s now May). We left the Isle of Man in early February with an uneventful trip back to France. As usual, at the security post for the ferry in Douglas, we paid our “bribe” of one packet of Jelly Babies! (We always travel with a full car and the price not to have to offload everything is a packet of Jelly Babies – though I’m sure they would make us unload if they thought there were any problems! We must have innocent faces!)

After crossing the channel, instead of heading back down to the Paris area, we diverted through to Lille in northern France because M-D’s nephew is a dentist who practises there and M-D is undergoing an implant procedure at the moment. Naturally, it gave us a chance to see Christine (M-D’s sister), so we passed a pleasant evening there before heading south.

In fact, we made a return trip to Lille a couple of weeks later (again, mainly for dental reasons) but whilst there were invited to an “Evening of Couscous” with some of Christine’s friends (who we also know). I’m not a great couscous fan normally, but this one was quite exceptional and, along with the wines and conversation, made for a pleasant evening.

April walkThings are quiet in France at this time of the year. Initially, the weather was unsettled but, by the beginning of April, the sun came out and we were able to get some walks in the forest. The Forest of Saint-Germain-en-Laye is a relic of a more ancient Forest which became a royal domain and hunting grounds of the Kings of France who resided at the Château de Saint-Germain-en-Laye. Henry IV and Louis XIII of France often used the forest for fox hunting. It’s a forest of 35 km2 which lies in a meander of the River Seine and is composed of mainly oak and beech. It is now bordered by built up areas and divided by communication links but has the advantage of being just 300m from where we live! Within a couple of weeks, there will be little blue sky to see as the canopy fills in for the summer.

The cousins come to lunchA couple of weeks ago, Marie-Danielle’s cousin, Nadia, came to see us from Bordeaux for a couple of days. During that time, we served her and her husband, Michel, Leg of Lamb in Deep Rich Gravy and also Monkfish Medallions a l’Orange. On the third day, we invited Nadia’s mother (M-D’s aunt) to join us for lunch. She lives on the outskirts of Versailles, so it’s just a 20 minute drive each way to get her. Also, M-D’s cousin, Jean-Louis, and his partner, France, joined us for lunch, so we were a table of seven.

Jean-Louis attacks the gâteauAfter a long “appero” where everybody did a bit of catching up, we served Filet Mignon (Tenderloin-of-Pork) with Sage and Rosemary which seemed to disappear fairly quickly, so I guess everyone was happy with that. After some delightful French cheeses, Jean-Louis was voted the man to cut the cake which “Aunt Suzanne” had brought with her. A lovely raspberry gâteau with fresh cream… Mmmm!

So now we’re back to being just the two of us for a couple of weeks while we amalgamate all the stuff we’re taking back to the Island with us. Normally at this time of year we take the plane, but there is so much stuff that we need to load the car again! At least it means that, during the summer, M-D will be independent of me while we are on the island. My car is too big for her, so she’s not comfortable driving it, but her B Class Mercedes carries a lot of stuff and is easier for her to drive than my old “Elegance”.

Our summer is already fully booked! Just two days after arriving, my neice, Sally, and her lovely family are coming over. As soon as they leave, the Isle of Man TT races begin and we are doing “Homestay” like we did last September. Already, we are fully booked for the fortnight. After which, we get a whole two weeks to ourselves, then M-D’s former boss (when she worked in Belgium) is coming over, with his wife. After a few days sight-seeing on The Island, we are going to do a Scottish tour with them (and guess who’s driving!!!)

After they go back, we have just one week before Ian, my elder son, and his parner, Caroline, are coming to visit us… I’m looking forward to that one! But as soon as they leave, we have our two French granddaughters and a friend staying with us virtually for the whole month of August. And, as I type this, M-D is on the phone to someone who stayed with us for last year’s Isle of Man Festival of Motorcycling (used to be called the Manx Grand Prix) and who wants to “book us” again this year! And that would leave us just 4 days before we head back to France again in early September! Nothing like being retired, is there!

While here in France, we’ve (naturally) made a couple of little excursions across the road to our “local” (Happy Sushi) and in fact we plan going again this evening. I also confess to enjoying many of the splendid culinary delights that are on offer here, which we don’t find on The Island. Things like plump duck breasts (from the ducks that provide foie gras). It’s actually fun exploring the supermarket shelves. Did I really just say that?? – Sounds like it’s time to close this post!!

Bruno gets his Andouillette

Walking the Dogs by Bruno CavellecOur friends Jill and Bruno are, like us, a French-British couple only the other way round – Jill is British and Bruno is French. They live close to us on the Isle of Man and Bruno is a talented painter. We have one of his prints at home in France – ‘Walking the Dogs’ – that I adore because it really captures the essence of Peel (or Sunset City as the locals like to call it). But not only is Bruno a talented guy, he’s also a very genuine guy – as are they both.

Now, living in another country is fine but can leave you with strange ‘holes’ in your way of living since you begin to miss some of the things you were brought up with. Marie-Danielle and I are lucky because we move between the two cultures twice a year so we can get a regular “fix” of the things we like. For me, it’s little things like Salad Cream, Scotch Eggs and Corned Beef that simply aren’t available in France (I take several bottles of Salad Cream back with me!). It’s not that I miss them terribly, it’s just that it would be nice to be able to treat myself once in a while.For M-D, she misses being able to buy confit and veal (yes, I know veal is available in mainland UK, but this the Isle of Man where, for reasons I have never been able to fathom, veal is not available. But, as I say, M-D and I can ‘catch up’ on a fairly regular basis.

Andouillette_AAAAA_cuiteBruno has the same “challenges” and one of the things he misses is that famously French sausage called andouillette. Andouillette is a coarse-grained sausage made with pork intestines (or chitterlings, as we know them in Britain) pepper, wine, onions, and seasonings. True andouillette is shaped like an oblong tube. If made with the small intestine, it is a plump sausage generally about 1″ (2.5cm) in diameter but often it is much larger and stronger in scent when the colon is used. The andouillette has a strong, distinctive odour related to its intestinal origins and component parts. In fact, it is this odour (and subsequent taste) that turns me off this “delicacy”. I have tried eating bits of them several times, but simply do not appreciate them as many in France do. We all have foods like that, which simply don’t “suit” us.

Although sometimes repellant to the uninitiated, the strong odour and taste of andouillette is prized by its devotees (like Bruno and M-D). Since true andouillette is rarely seen outside France (and certainly never on the Isle of Man!), we brought some back with us and decided to “treat” Bruno to an andouillette evening!

tapenadeWe didn’t do a starter course as such, we simply ‘extended the choices’ of the aperitif. In addition to the usual olives and nibbly biscuits, we provided some slightly more ‘substantial’ fare like quails eggs and toasts with homemade tapenade on them. This way of starting a meall allows friends to sit in comfortable chairs around a low table and chat whilst beginning the eating process.

pan seared tunaAnd so to the pièce de résistance, the main course! I believe I’ve mentioned before on this blog that Jill is not vegetarian, but she won’t eat anything that had four legs when it was alive. She’s fine with poultry and fish so I did Pan-Seared Tuna with Avocado, Soy, Ginger, and Lime for the two of us while Bruno and Marie-Danielle got stuck into their andouillettes. The tuna is easy to prepare and takes 2 minutes to cook. The andouillette is ready-made and cooks almost on its own in a pan for 10-12 minutes. A handful of oven chips, a dish of Dijon mustard and a side salad was all we needed to create a main course that pleased all its participants. It doesn’t have to be complex to be a winner! But have you ever seen a grown man cry!!! Bruno was in Bruno heaven and didn’t want to come back down to planet earth!

We finished off with one our favourites (also extremely simple), Orange Carpaccio with Gâteau Creusois. It was a pleasant evening spent with two good people. I suspect we may be hauling back more andouillettes next time we return from France.

We head back to France in less than two weeks, but we’re not done eating yet! Tomorrow, Steve and Jeanette (brother and sister-in-law) have invited us to a little restaurant perched on the cliffs just down the coast. The day after, Terry and Julie are hosting “the big six” (themselves, us and two other friends from over the road) to dinner at theirs. The following Saturday, Penny and Steve (who joined us on Christmas Eve) have invited us to eat at theirs. And a day or two later, the evening before we leave, we’ll be at Bruno and Jill’s, enjoying crêpes for La Fête de la Chandeleur. And then I go on a diet – that’s if France will let me!

Terry’s Secret Treat!

I noticed a while back that our neighbour on the Isle of Man, Terry, was due for a birthday on January 3rd. Being a sharp-eyed individual, I also spotted that the 3rd fell on a Saturday this year. What better excuse for a party!! So I quiety contacted Terry’s wife, Julie, and we arranged to hijack his evening with a meal at ours. We also invited Kate and Dominic who are close neighbours. This is the “team” that M-D and I refer to as “The Big Six”… Terry, Julie, Kate, Dominic, M-D and myself! In fact, Julie and Kate were friends when they were young then, just a few years ago, discovered that they were living on opposite sides of the same street! Small world.

Christmas WreathWhat we didn’t know when we planned to hijack Terry’s birthday was that it was Julie’s birthday on 31st December. And what they didn’t know (until M-D told them) was that it’s mine on 6th January. So you can imagine that the aperitif was more alcoholic than normal (and normal is pretty good!). We repeated a little fun presentation that we had done at Christmas by making a sausage wreath out of cocktail sausages and that buttery, flaky, Vienna-style pastry used to make croissants. The bow was a red pepper that underwent M-D’s surgical skills and the bowl in the middle held Dijon mustard for dipping. It seemed to be well appreciated since it disappeared at a rapid rate of knots (is that a nautical term?).

Millefeuille de PintadeOur starter for the meal was a combination of Millefeuille de Pintade au Foie de Canard and Roulades de Jambon au Foie de Canard en Gelée au Sauternes. We get these (as you can see from the links) from an excellent supplier called Godard in the Perigord region of France. Washed down with a glass of Château Haut-Theulet Monbazillac 2002 (the colour of golden straw), this was a perfect starter for a great meal.

Two Excellent WinesFor the main course, we repeated a dish that had served us well at Christmas – Beef Wellington. This time, there were no problems with timing as there were on Christmas Eve. I correctly guessed that our guests would be happy with meat that was less cooked than I had done at Christmas and “the beast” arrived on the table in good time and in good shape and was helped down with a glass or three of Château de Sarenceau Saint-Emilion 2000 which we served right through the rest of the meal. And then came the famous Trou Normand – sorbet with calvados poured over the top – to help our digestion (I think!).

After the cheeses, we served Gâteau Creusois with M-D’s hand made Chocolate Mousse which is actually very simple to make, but very tasty. And another pleasant evening ended with happy campers all round. Cooking is fun, but the joy it brings to others is even better!

Christmas on The Isle of Man

Having arrived back on The Isle of Man in mid December it was time to consider the Christmas festivities. Though we were on British territory, we opted to continue French tradition and hold a réveillon. A réveillon is a long dinner, and possibly a party, held on the evenings preceding Christmas Day or New Year’s Day. The name of the dinner is based on the word réveil (meaning “waking”), because participation involves staying awake until midnight and beyond. In the United States, the réveillon tradition is still observed in New Orleans due to the city’s strong French heritage, with a number of the city’s restaurants offering special réveillon menus on Christmas Eve.

Christmas Eveve TableSo, a couple of days before, armed with a a lump of wood and some parcel tape, I prepared the dining table for seven. This took a modicum of engineering skill since we don’t have a large dining room and the table was designed to only seat six! However, it seemed to work OK, because on 24th Marie-Danielle prepared a beautiful table for us while I was locked away in the kitchen!

Our guests were Penny and Sarah who had met us in Paris at Le Procop, Penny’s husband Steve, and Jill and Bruno who are, like us, a French-British couple only the other way round (Bruno is French and Jill is British). We weren’t sure if Christmas Eve in PeelBruno was going to make it since he had been unwell for some days. However, he made a huge effort and spent the evening with a “cockerel hat” perched on his head (as opposed to Steve, who wore a “reindeer hat”) – yes, it was one of those nights! We are certainly blessed with some wonderful friends.

So, the menu!
First off, since it was Christmas, as part of the apperitifs, we constructed a “Christmas wreath” out of little cocktail sausages and that buttery, flaky, Vienna-style pastry used to make croissants. The bow itself was a red pepper that underwent M-D’s surgical skills and the bowl in the middle held Dijon mustard for dipping. Christmas WreathAlong with quails eggs, olives, “appericubes” (baby cheese cubes from France), cocktail biscuits and a couple of bottles of chilled Cremant d’Alsace, we passed a pleasant half-hour awaiting the main event. Or should I say that “they” passed a pleasant half-hour awaiting the main event, since I was locked away in the kitchen having all sorts of fun on my own!

As a starter, we had decided on Salade des Gourmets, that wonderful salad with lots of added extras like foie gras, smoked salmon, magret de canard, small cherry tomatoes, fresh scallops and prawns. It makes me salivate just thinking about it!

And then came the awkward bit!!!

Beef WellingtonWe decided to do a Beef Wellington which normally (for a decent size fillet of beef) takes about 35-40 minutes to cook. However, I knew that most of our guests would prefer their meat more cooked than M-D and I normally eat it, so I had to allow extra cooking time. To be sure, I used a cook’s thermometer and aimed to get to 60ºC (140ºF), where normally we go to about 54ºC (130ºF), I had estimated an additional 10 minutes but it took nearer 20 minutes extra. Normally that wouldn’t be too critical since everybody just chats and the time passes. However, Penny had committed to ringing the bells at the cathedral for the midnight service, so had to leave the house at about 11:40pm. Fortunately, we just scraped in and she was able to finish her plate of Beef Wellington, Champ and mixed vegetables before having to leave.

Jill, meanwhile, is not a meat eater (if the beast had more than 2 legs while it was alive) but she does enjoy Confit de Canard, so I made her a “Confit Parmentier” which is sort of French for shepherds pie using duck instead of lamb!! I simply heated and shredded a duck confit, placed it in a ramekin along with a little chicken stock then covered it with mashed potato (which I was making anyway for the champ!).

While Penny rang her bells (which we could hear since the cathedral is only a couple of hundred yards away) we all finished our main course and took a breather. Well, a sort of breather! In fact we had a “Trou Normand” (literally, a Norman hole) which, traditionally, is Eau-de-vie, especially calvados, served as a middle course in a large meal in the traditional belief it restores appetite. The first time I came across this was a hotel in Normandy where we styayed for a New Year once. In the middle of the meal, the waiter served us all an apple sorbet and then arrived with a teapot!! Tea it was not! Calvados it most certainly was. So, sure enough, we served a sorbet with calvados then sat with contented smiles on our faces waiting for Penny’s return.

Xmas CakeUpon Penny’s return, just before midnight, we all exchanged presents (I did warn you we were doing things French style!). After which, cheese was served, followed by M-D’s famous Chocolate and Walnut Gateau (dutifully decorated with Santa and a snowman!)

And what, you might ask, did we drink with this meal? Well, it may surprise you to know that we stayed with Bordeaux Origami from start right through till finish. It’s made by Famille Capdevielle and is 80% Merlot and 20% Cabernet Franc so is quite light for a red. For this reason it worked through all four courses. All said, a very pleasant evening with some valued friends. Now we have New Year’s Eve to look forward to!!